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SHADES OF SHAME 

BARED…

I can’t quite remember how it all started or when. My memories are flooded with the images of screens, images I just couldn’t seem to forget.

    When I grew a little older, old enough to read, I found those images in the pages of numerous books, books that seemed too readily available. They wandered about in my subconscious, defining my imaginations so I imagined them, created more storylines to keep them in. Every night, I let them lull me to sleep and they brought sleep with a price.

 At first I wasn’t certain I knew it was wrong but with time, I understood that the things mostly hidden have a hint of shame.

It had an odor that I feared someone would catch it and rattle me out but no one did.

   When I got born again, I fell in love with Jesus. I thought of Him, good thoughts. I was consumed with Him, making Him happy. So I swapped to books with pure content, rarely watched as much movies. I had peace and freedom until I started backsliding and couldn’t seem to fight off the desire to indulge in those sinful pleasures. My mind begged me to imagine more of it. And I mostly yielded. The odor of this shame was worse. Sometimes I’d have to take a bath, a real one to get it off.

After all, a heart without the Lord will seek all avenues to fill HIS space.

 I remember the days of shame, pain… I just couldn’t seem to want to stop. So I’d be a perfect Christian on the outside and be terrified to be alone with my thoughts for company.

I looked for distractions so that I would not require a lullaby to sleep.

I didn’t want to give it a name; I was willing to see it as a failing, weakness or shortcoming, anything else but pornography and lust. Anything else but the sin it was and still is.

Then I encountered the Word 

For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

                                     Romans 6:14 KJV

It worked well. I was enjoying freedom until I would backslide of course.

I started to notice the pattern that once I was having intimacy with the Holy Spirit, I would be free with an even stronger will to shut down the images and whenever I strayed from HIM, they came back with full force.

Then I remember in my first year in Uni, someone asked a question on how to overcome lust or pornography (I can’t remember but I’m certain it was an addiction), I was excited to know the answer that one of my church leaders would give. The response shocked me!! She (my church leader) simply said the person should continue reading the Bible and praying. I was shocked. I had wanted to hear some direct way of just making it go away.

 I suppose my church leader was right. After all, darkness cannot comprehend light. Darkness thrives in the absence of light. The closer you get to Jesus, the farther you are from the world.

There is a void in you that must be filled, don’t fill it with the things that give you shame.

Let Jesus see, let Him in. He’s the Light, He will make you shine.

To you, dearest reader, remember the same way my imaginative mind became a tool, that beautiful gift you have blessed by God with, can also be used.

I will not stop imagining nor stop reading but I can choose what to imagine and what to read.

Do not forget the beautiful gift God gave to you and me, the power of choice, the power to choose right, the power to choose HIM.

                                      Racheal Torty

From Ruth Torty (undying embers)

   I apologize for not giving any notice for this. This is the first of the addiction stories, shades of shame and GOD bless Racheal for volunteering to go first. 

Every day we meet people who struggle with secret sins especially addictions, most of the time we ourselves struggle; drugs, pornography, social media, gadgets, books, everything and anything. We also struggle despite the picture of perfection on the outside, we struggle in secret and cry out our shame in the dark. This series shows that you are not alone and aims to give strength from the experiences of others. 

      None of the contributors are perfect neither do they claim to be. They are normal people who are willing to share their stories with you. Please note that these stories are not to be used to ridicule them or gossip, if anything please pray for them. 

           JESUS speaks of addictions in Matthew 12:43-45 KJV

When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. 44 Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. 45 Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation.

     This means that more than ever we must focus on GOD, renewing our minds always with Word and prayer. 

 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

                               Isaiah 26:3 KJV

      For those who like Racheal, like me (lol) struggle with pornographic thoughts, I pray that the LORD GOD HIMSELF will light up your minds and purify your insides, that your inward man will be continuously renewed by HIS Word and that The HOLY SPIRIT will seal up and heal the injuries on your soul.

    For those who do not know JESUS or have not accepted HIM as their LORD and Saviour, JESUS is the Son of GOD who died for our sins because of HIS love and Father’s Love for us and HE aches to have us closer, calling unto HIM, loving HIM and seeking HIM. There is no well too deep, no soul too broken and no mess too bad for JESUS. 

   PRAYER FOR SALVATION: Lord JESUS, I confess all my sins before you and forsake them. I ask that you become my Lord and Personal Savior. Help me to shine continuously for you and make it to Heaven.

     Please get a Bible and prayerfully find a Bible living Church actively walking in the redemptive power of GOD or you can send an email to me @ gozietorty@gmail.com. For questions, prayer requests, please kindly send an email to the address above.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS POST CAN BE PULLED DOWN AT ANYTIME DUE TO THE WRITER’S REQUEST, ALTHOUGH I PRAY THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

    GOD BLESS US ALL… THE HOUR OF THE LORD IS AT HAND.

   
    

*GOD IS UNCULTURED AND UNREFINED*

Sometimes its easier to sing praise and worship song than to say the actual prayers, who knows maybe God likes it that way.

Sometimes I feel God is not so concerned about being entertained. Although people try to pray and impress God with all the right words. I just don’t think its an easy thing to impress the Almighty God but one thing we often forget is that we don’t have to impress God.

He is already too impressed about our very existence and he loves us so much that he gave his most valuable possession, His son to us freely.

So when we say we are impressed about something that means that thing is Refined.

I love the bible so much because most of the characters in the bible were not refined but God used them.

I remember growing up and feeling depressed and someone will tell me “don’t worry, God loves you”. I am like ” big deal, God loves everybody”. 

God’s love to me doesn’t make me special, it just proves that God does not have a taste and frankly I don’t think he does.

God takes the junk in everyone and turns it into a masterpiece.

 So if God was a cultured and civilized being as most of us think, then we will be useless to Christianity. God is non selective, he is uncultured and unrefined. 

So no matter how wild, uncultured, filthy and unrefined you might be. God sees you as his friend. He invites you to dine with him because he loved you before you were even created.


From Ruth Torty (undyingembers)

   GOD is unrefined and uncultured…. He has broken down the middle wall of partition and welcomes all to his great feast of salvation. Let’s break out of the many excuses we give ourselves for not being acceptable to GOD and come as we are….

   Dear Lord JESUS, please teach us to come as we are, to receive YOU and to understand all YOU want is our fellowship and love… In JESUS Name. Amen.

 Feel free to forward your questions or personal prayer requests to gozietorty@gmail.com…

  Our Lord JESUS is coming soon… JESUS Come!!!!

    

A New Life 

Like many others, I had thoughts that I could not share , I did not understand why some things were wrong and why others were right .These thoughts turned into actions most of which I regret but a part of the society appreciated it.

 I went about my life doing what made me happy however each day that I lived a part of me died .This dying side cried for help, its innocence and purity was being drained every day, starved and strangled by the wickedness that surrounded it. Soon I felt something was not right ,it could not be that all I was born for was to lie , to cheat others out of their earnings , to have immoral sexual relationship ,worship none but myself . I struggled to do anything good ,and even when i did i could not sustain it .I was applauded even in my wrongs , I knew  it should not be so and I lost peace love became for from me.

    I had a life scarred from all my years of stumbling and falling in the darkness called ignorance.

    The stitches I had put on my life could not hold my life together anymore, the lies had eaten up the walls of my  heart, my body  had  been enslaved to serve the will of evil. I had no worth for any thing good until the only one called The Good One came, He saw my stitches and scars and wept for  me, felt more pain for me than I felt for myself.

What could possibly make him feel that way ? He was the most pure and holy being I had ever seen.What did HE do ?  You ask…  

  Well, He took my mess of a life and erased all my wrongs, He took my old life from me then gave me a new life , no scars , no pain, no regret ,no shame , no  connections to the past .He made me whole and the part of me that was dead suddenly sprung to life, purity and innocence was restored . You can have Him too my friend.

Mark 2:17 “On hearing this, Jesus told them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

                Oladipupo Olukayode


From Ruth Torty (undyingembers)

    Salvation remains the greatest gift mankind could ever receive, it is a pity that we do not appreciate it…. The newness of our rebirth in Christ Jesus is beautiful, to have the love of a Sovereign GOD… Without Christ, all is nought…

PRAYER FOR SALVATION: Lord JESUS, please come in my life as I open the door of my heart. Show the meaning of life that death can have no power over me. Clothe me, love me and teach me. Keep me blameless till the day you come in glory in JESUS NAME. Amen

  PRAYER FOR REVIVAL: Lord JESUS, awaken me again, renew me from the deadness of sin and open my heart to the  constructive and reviving power of YOUR Love in JESUS Name. Amen.

   JESUS KEEP US ALL!!!!!

  In case of questions or contributions, please send a message to gozietorty@gmail.com. 


LONG WALK BACK TO LOVE

Hot-headed, Ill-tempered,

Short-fused, yet not bad-mannered.

Yes, everyone used to say that about me a lot, but

You see, I’d rather be me than appear bought.

I used to be that way, you know

Smile of an angel, face of a child just before youth,

Voice so sweet, yet could be so uncouth.

Until One who was above,

Came down to show me love.

He turned my life around, bringing me to my knees

I tell you, He ensured that all worry would cease,

Even when I would not adhere strictly to His dos and don’ts

Or when He would say, “This you can and that you cannot”.

Would you still want someone who would not

See you for more than twenty months?

Yet, I know He thought about me…

How else would I still talk about Him,

Even when I claimed to hate Him;

And still made Him shine through me?

I didn’t know I was doing it,

But when the flames came, I didn’t feel the heat

And even when the floods roared,

He ensured the waters and I would never meet.

Why else would He have done it?

Except I was doing it, and He was feeling it!

It, it, it.

What was this it? It could be anything,

Depending on what you take it to be,

But for me, love was this it!

For just as the Bible says,

That even while we were yet sinners,

He loved us, you see.

I was never worthy, I did not qualify

I pushed Him away, telling lie upon lie.

Trying to make everyone believe I was okay,

And yet, a little child would be able

To resist and gainsay.

But yet, He covered me,

Despite my floundering, He sustained me.

Thinking I ruled the world, I kept running around,

I thought I was making waves, and yet, there was no sound!

Despite all these, He was so patient

He, the master planner, the mighty man

The greatest physician,

I made myself the doctor, and Him the patient.

Even so, while on His “sick bed”,

And while I was sick in the head, He made me free as a bird,

He kept me fed and minded,

He took me from being wretched, brought me from the dead,

All through the power of His love which he bled…so red!

The outflow of His life force,

Kept me from the one who was false.

But, against all reason, I kept on going

Back to the Deceiver who tweaked my receiver, 

And tried to make me deliver his agenda to loot and plunder.

Funny, when all he came to plunder was my very soul,

Yet, the more he tried, the more impossible became his goal.

Then He, my father,

My King, my sire,

My Lord, my master,

My friend, my lover,

He came, for my heart to claim,

He came through those that encompassed me,

Made sure that His protection never passed me.

He reached out to me, He defended me,

He spoke to me, He corrected me.

And then – it happened!

I came back, my eyes were opened.

I finally understood what His love meant,

He fully became my shield without a dent.

He became my one and all,

I realized I was so small, 

I found out how far I could and would fall,

If with Him, I refused to ball.
He has been there for me ever since,

Even when I fell back into my past sins,

And even entered new ones,

He brought me back with loving summons.

I could go on and on,

But that would be like blowing my own horn.

I’m just so glad I got to know

Of his love before the shofar could blow.

Yes, I got my velvet sins turned white as snow,

Because His love for me, so far, would go!

By now, you already know who I’m talking about,

But if you don’t, just take the first letters of

The next five lines you will read:

Just as He washed away my shame,

Even if you are into the same,

Seek Him out!

Until He has encompassed you round about,

Stay with Him and He will give you a new name!

Yes, that’s Him…you see it, don’t you?

If you don’t, then you need to check yourself all through.

My final words to you…

Even if you do not think so, He loves you too!

                                                            Eze Ohaegulam


BIO: Eze Ohaegulam is known as Leo “The Maestro” Masters has written over 10 works, plays the guitar,  loves to writes and is a graduate of Microbiology. Eze is God-crazy and is a blogger. You can check him out at wordssightsandsounds.wordpress.com. You can also email at eohaegbulam@gmail.com.


From Ruth Torty (undyingembers)

    Many times we willfully walk out of GOD’S Presence, chasing the world without looking backward. GOD wants us back, always, all the time. Its inexplicable but no matter how scarred  we are, HE aches to for us to see the beauty, our beauty in HIS eyes. 

PRAYER FOR SALVATION: Lord JESUS, I surrender my life to you. I confess my sins and accept YOU as my personal LORD and Savior. Help me to make to heaven, to be more intimate with YOU and to be one with YOU.

WORD OF ADVICE: The road may seem long but look at HIS eyes, stare into them because that’s where home is.


 I hope you enjoyed this story or you prayed the prayer above. Please locate a bible believing, Holy Spirit inspiring and Heaven oriented Church and join. If you need prayers or counsel, please send your requests or questions to gozietorty@gmail.com.

GOD ACHES FOR YOU

BROKEN SYLLABLES

 You have probably laughed at a stammer joke, chuckled when someone initiated one maybe sniggered at their broken syllables. Relax, this is not to judge you. Keep reading.

  I had always wondered what caused my stammering, in primary 6, I had already had my answer. Not the crap about “that’s was how GOD created me” (I hated it whenever people used that line even to defend me against others laughing). 

 You see I was very sick while I was little (according to my mother). I couldn’t keep any food down. I was always stooling, got lean and it looked like I was going to die then some pharmacist recommended a drug and I lived. The thing is this drug had a side effect, I started finding it difficult to swallow food, I had blisters in my mouth and my tongue was also peeling. I have decided to accept that as the cause of the stammering although I believe somehow it has something to do with genetics. Maybe that consoled me when I was laughed at, when I was told I couldn’t debate by my class teacher because I will waste the time trying to find my words (in front of my class) when I was called to read in class. At some point, people even thought I couldn’t read. That should be quite funny because I topped the class most times.

I am older now, I have developed a few skills to help make it less noticeable, I stylishly clap my hands to help say my words, I say my surname and my name when I was asked “what is your name?”

 I pretend not to hear your question sometimes so I have time to mouth my answer to avoid broken syllables.

Sometimes, it is out of my control and I have to watch people’s faces when the awkward silence begins. Only a few people do well enough in hiding it. Growing up and having to deal with this used to hurt a lot then, especially when I got in a fight. People were always quick to use that, so I grew a thick skin but thick skin didn’t help when I saw people talking in front of crowds and people stopped to listen. It didn’t help when I want to use a particular word in a sentence and I have to quickly substitute it with its synonym.

I don’t remember really praying about it, I always thought it wasn’t worth praying about. Except when I made those silent prayers about it, GOD heard those ones. He made me find writing, there I can put all my words and don’t have to use a synonym for them.

 Oh and people listen to me now when I talk in crowds, in those moments I rarely ever stammer. It is amazing how things turned out but isn’t that the beauty in trusting Christ.

                                                                       Chike Odita

From Ruth Torty (Undyingembers)

       You do not have a deformity, you are not handicapped or abnormal, you are wonderfully and fearfully made.Yours might not be stammering, its could your weight, the shape of your body, your teeth, anything at all.If peradventure you do not know GOD for yourself or you don’t understand his love, please talk to HIM today, I believe HE has been aching to hear you speak.  GOD LOVES YOU.

  “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee”

                                                    Song of Solomon 4:7

PRAYER FOR SALVATION: Lord JESUS, I confess all my sins before you and forsake them. I ask that you become my Lord and Personal Savior. Help me to shine continuously for you and make it to Heaven.

PRAYER FOR SELF ESTEEM: Lord JESUS, I secure my heart in you and I choose to see myself as the apple of your eyes. Help me to fix my gaze on you everyday, all the time. Thank you JESUS for your sacrifice in JESUS Name. Amen.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: I am the apple of GOD’S eyes and the only thought that is running through his mind. 

   If you have any questions, please message me @ gozietorty@gmail.com. 

GOD BLESS US ALL

​My Identity And My Insecurities


 They say that the teen years are turbulent ones. Chaotic. Disillusioned. I always thought that most of that was low expectations, and I still do, but there’s one thing about the teen years that is inescapable.

 You’re going to question your identity.

When I was five, life was simple. I was told to do this and then do that. Basic. But age brings responsibility and suddenly, I was confronted with the choice of who I was going to be. 

And so I began to define myself by that vision of who I aimed to be in the future.
Some may call this being a visionary, and let me just say, I’m one hundred percent an advocate of planning ahead, but if you define yourself by your vision, something happens that you don’t want. What happens is that you become depressed. The fact is, you’re not able to make everything turn out how you want it, and if you are, that’s probably a bad sign that God’s turning you over to your own ways. When you fall short of the vision you have of yourself, it’s like a piece of flesh is torn off your skin.

 You waste away and lose your self-esteem – your confidence in your identity. 

This is the monster I face every day, but I am learning by God’s grace to overcome it. There is no secret weapon to this battle except to learn that it is not the war you should be fighting. Don’t try to play God in your life. Instead, realize that the definition you have set for yourself is an idolatrous one that places your dreams and visions above the ones God has for you. God says that he has prepared our good works beforehand that we should walk in them (Eph. 2:10). Isn’t that exciting?

I’m not going to align my identity with the one God has for me overnight and at times I despair that my faith is about as large as a fragment of a fragment of a mustard seed. But what’s the big picture here? I’m being transformed into a new creature. 
All teens – even all adults and kiddos – are facing a crisis of identity. That crisis can either lead us into a vicious cycle of self-destruction, or it can lead us to humble ourselves before Christ. 

God can use my insecurities to turn me from a caterpillar into a butterfly. My weakness is His opportunity!

                                                                  Daeus Lamb


BIO: Daeus is a young adult guy with an avid love for fiction and philosophy. His two main goals in life are to glorify God and write 100+ novels. If you are interested in checking out his fiction, you can get a free novella of his at bit.ly/tathof

From Ruth Torty (undyingembers)

    Insecurities have a way of taking us away from our identities, away from who GOD has called us to be. Release your fears to GOD and let him turn it to strength. If you are not born again or have not experience the love of GOD through His Son JESUS CHRIST who died for our sins and the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, please take the prayer below.

  PRAYER: Lord JESUS, please come into my life as I surrender all to you. I accept you as my personal Lord and Savior. Give me the grace to be and shine as light for you and help me to make it to heaven on JESUS Name. Amen.

   I hope you enjoyed this story or you prayed the prayer above. Please locate a bible believing, Holy Spirit inspiring and Heaven oriented Church and join. If you need prayers or counsel, please send your requests or questions to gozietorty@gmail.com.

     CHRIST FIRST!!!!!!   

PANGS OF FAITH

When I gave my life to Christ in early 2014, I wasn’t aware or informed of the magnitude of obstacles/struggles/tests/tribulations, or better still, trials that I would have to face in my Christian walk. As time went by, I got to understand that our Christian walk is a walk of faith and this walk of faith is a fight of which, like any other fight, is painful. You sustain bruises and scars (sometimes temporarily), headaches and heartaches. All these amount to your victory story; a testimony God uses most times to bless someone. 
So here’s a bit of my story;
I’m currently a 3rd year student as of the time of this writing, I’m studying medicine abroad (Moscow precisely) and I’m a Christian. And Yes, I’m born again!  I speak in tongues, full of the Holy Spirit and I hear God speak to me too. So far so good, believe you me, it’s been mid blowing, amazing, beautiful, wonderful, non-regrettable. But honestly, especially lately, it’s been tough! Really tough for me.

     Born into a Christian background, a family of 5 kids of which I’m the first (3 brothers and a sister) and we are from the middle belt region of Nigeria. From my sketchy background (details would be too intense and long or even boring); I’ve always had to live up to expectations. These expectations have chased me across the Atlantic, all the way to Europe. Its weight? Crushing (definitely is), and so at a point I knew I needed help. Or else I was gonna die! Yes die! Once I was suicidal, I sought escape through different routes, not so intense like others but I did get pretty messy. I would cry at times, starve, fast and pray, seek validation and comfort from fellow human beings by seeking intimacy (with opposite sex) in relationships, wanting to belong to cliquey friendships, to partying during my first university years in Nigeria and what not.

      Then I met a gentleman by the name Joshua Adah! And I surrendered to Jesus

   Progressively, I found comfort peace, stillness and ASSURANCE in Christ. I felt love in His gospel, I experienced compassion and acceptance. Mind you, not all came at once, it happened over time. (Some immediately, others, not really).

One of my greatest miracles is going to Moscow. It was never in my agenda, dream or plan, it was God orchestrating it. God took me there to get closer to Him. 

How do I know? Because that has been my experience! He took me far away, separated from distractions and hindrance, to face this quest alone (sanctification and anointing). 
Initially everything seemed beautiful and exciting, but as time went on, lessons got harder (still are). Not everything was so rosy anymore. Russia is the second coldest country in the world (I stand corrected) and from what people have heard/known, their people are not the friendliest (not that they are that bad at all). With all these conditions coupled with medicine, being so far from home and the comfort of family and friends, it’s been challenging. 

There were moments of hunger (literally hungry) and cold, both at once, I’d run into debts just so I could sustain myself, had to stay indoors just because I couldn’t afford exciting experiences (good pleasures), or out of fear (from my upbringing). These moments made me question if I really wanted to do medicine or be a doctor, I’ve had to redo exams and retake tests just because I failed at my first attempts. I’ve had to deal with lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes, I’ve had to painfully bear the reality that I couldn’t afford some necessities/luxuries my peers could; not that they were bad or wrong things, but because I didn’t have the funds! I’ve had to deal with the fleshy yearn to get into a relationship (finding ‘the one’).

   All while I was “born again”(still am). I questioned my faith, I questioned my strength in GOD, and I questioned the validity of His existence and His ability to really answer prayers really. I was in pains, emotionally, financially and otherwise.

  Time went by and eventually I outgrew some things. I got back on track; closer to God, which helped shift my focus, my excitement and boundless joy came when I started receiving personal revelations on scriptures due to the intimacy with Him, understanding the Word for myself, feeding on right materials and growing spiritually. So for a time, things kind of fell off. 


Then my faith suffered a heavy blow!

   At a point, my parents couldn’t really keep up with my monthly allowances as usual, dollar rose, dad wasn’t getting paid, mom couldn’t help much either. I had to go hungry sometimes, I couldn’t afford basic necessities for a time, and I couldn’t foot little bills (materials, printings). I couldn’t afford legitimate pleasures even. These elevated to being unable to keep up with my partnership pledge in church, seeds, and my tithes. There were services I cannot even afford to give offerings. 

Then I began to question God; “Is this how I’m to suffer even after being born again?” “Why are my parents not rich?” “Why do I have to go hungry?” “Why can’t I afford basic needs?” “Why haven’t I been able to afford anything brand new?” “Why do I have to deal with hand-me-downs?” “I haven’t paid my partnership pledge in months” “I can’t even afford to pay for this missionary trip” “why don’t I ever finish anything good I start?” “Why don’t I have a good girlfriend, why can’t I have one?” “Why can’t my parents afford better accommodation for me?” “Don’t I deserve to enjoy the good things of this life?” (By luxuries I don’t mean flamboyance, but just that good comfort that come with easing some stress and peace of mind, necessary amenities that’ll boost up one’s life and studying). 

couldn’t even afford to eat out, maybe once in a while, treat myself to something good. Even when eventually I could or did, I’d feel guilty afterwards. 


One time I felt God wanted me to sow a seed, like give Him everything, but that month, the stipend came late and I just couldn’t do it, not after the hunger, and payments I had to make. I felt guilty, I felt like I had betrayed God, I felt like I didn’t have faith in Him, my faith wasn’t big enough, I didn’t trust Him to take care of me. I felt like I had not grown well. Then I concluded “I’m not big enough”. I felt bad!

I’m a cell fellowship leader and believe me when I tell you, there have been times I didn’t feel like standing before God’s people to teach or preach or even go for the meeting. I felt like the anointing had departed. I’d be so broke and down and I would not be able to even find anyone on my contact list to reach out to; no one I could talk to, no one to help. Then I was fighting demons of addictions and what not. It was either I was scared of how he/she would see me, how they’d respond or I had already borrowed from them couple of times in the past (and paid) so I couldn’t come off as a struggler or a pauper( you understand right?). I felt alone

 In finding, I was under the teachings of the faith language which involved the dismissal or deletion of some words from my vocabulary. Words like; “I’m broke”, “I’m sick (I fell sick once or twice), “I have headache”, “I can’t afford it”, “I failed” “I’m not worthy enough” ” I don’t know how to do it”   ” I’m not sure (maybe of my future)” “I’m weak” “I’m finished”  “I don’t think I can do this” and many more, I’m sure you can relate with. but i was feeling and experiencing these things!!!

 

I was going through these things and I dare not meet my spiritual coach or elders to really bare my heart out, because of  EXPECTATIONS  “You of all people should have outgrown such, you should know better not to talk like that. What happened to working out your faith?  Man of God you should work these things out, command them, declare them, you should know better”. 

   

And sadly I didn’t have any peers or friend to talk to either because they had painted a picture of me. There’s a perception of  “the born again now, e don turn pastor” ( he’s turned into a pastor) “e dey yankee” (he’s abroad) always sending edifying messages, daily devotionals, looking ‘flossy’ and ‘fresh’ in pictures so all things are well with him! All that and what not. 

I could go on and on with whining but that’s not the point. I’ll probably won’t even make it to the point but here’s the thing: my story might not resonate with you, someone else has probably been through far worse or is even currently going through worse than all these things, but as far as our Christianity is concerned, as far as God is concerned, giving up is not an option. Losing hope and doubting is not the way! 
“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small”

                                          Proverbs 24:10   

In my walk with God, I’ve come to understand that Christianity is in stages. At the initial stage, you’re been pampered like a baby, literally fed, held to walk, everything seems nice and exciting, as time progresses you’re expected to be walking, no longer crawling. You used to being fed, helped with food off the table but now, you’re expected to reach out for yourself and grab food off the table. Take a hold of it. 

The character of faith is explained in the book of Hebrews. With close attention you see the aligning of practically opposite terms together. How do you have ‘the substance'(the tangible thing, physical, relatable; more like solid, liquid and gas states of substances) of something you’re hoping for? How is something ‘not (yet) seen’ evident? This, my friend, is FAITH! God is requiring you to trust, to believe, to see beyond what is in front of you! To understand and accept that He has given and provided, it’s left for you to go on in and grab it! Take a hold of it. Just believe! 

    “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.
                                                          Hebrews 11:1                   

At that point, your situation is screaming in your face, your stomach is churning, you bank account is in the reds, you feel like you’re worthless because you’ve resumed old habits, you no longer feel that tinge or tangible presence of God’s spirit with you…. but then what? God says “believe in me still, focus on me” 

 “Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

                                                            James 1:3-4
 “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:” Faith worketh godliness, and produces effects which no other grace in the soul can do.

                                                             Romans 5:3-4

Another side to it is that many don’t understand is that God has already given!

 Faith catches what grace had already provided.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,”
                                                             Ephesians 1:3 

The tense says ‘has blessed’ not ‘will bless’ or ‘is going to bless’. You may be arguing “it indicated spiritual blessings’ but think of it, the spiritual always manifests, and what manners of blessings  can come from God that says ALL and leaves you in lack or want in other areas? 

“The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it”.
                                                          Proverbs 10:22 

 Now it’s either there’s a problem on God’s side (which is even impossible) or I’m the one not doing something right! Then I’ve got to hold on firmer, fight and work harder, trust and believe better and then I’ll see results. 

 Finally, in whatever situation remember that Romans 8:35-38. Verse 37 says “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”.
My name is Vershima and this is my story.

From Ruth Torty (undying embers)

  The most important thing is knowing GOD. If you are not born again and you want to reconcile with GOD, Kindly say the prayer below and believe.

     PRAYER: Lord JESUS, please come into my life as I surrender all to you. I accept you as my personal Lord and Savior. Give me the grace to be and shine as light for you and help me to make it to heaven on JESUS Name. Amen.

   I hope you enjoyed this story or you prayed the prayer above. Please locate a bible believing, Holy Spirit inspiring and Heaven oriented Church and join. If you need prayers or counsel, please send your requests or questions to gozietorty@gmail.com.

     CHRIST FIRST!!!!!!

   


What to Post ?

The big question is what to blog about ? What should I share ? Am I being led by GOD ? Should I start by explaining what the blog should entail, why it is named undying embers ?

      The truth is eventually I might answer these questions only by the help of the Holy Spirit. The HOLY SPIRIT… GOD….. JESUS CHRIST…… 


    Those who know me personally know I have a twin sister, Racheal. Racheal is legally the closest person to me. The only one I can sit with and talk about my many weaknesses, those things that seem so hidden from everyone, my feelings, my anger …. Yet after being with Racheal, I draw away into myself to talk to the innermost circle; THE TRINITY. In the silence of my bathroom or just in the room, I converse with them and let them guide me. 
     Allow me to try to summarize an epic tale. Many millenniums ago, the world stood in darkness, unknown and uninhabited until GOD; three personalities in one, entered the picture. GOD the Father who is the first personality appeared as His Holy Spirit who is the third personality moved and as The Father spoke, The Son appeared. 

    Fast forward, several millenniums later, a young girl sits quietly and converses with the three personalities above. GOD The Father is her father, the one who provides for her, the one she runs to for guidance; GOD The Son who is JESUS CHRIST is not her lover but her husband, the one who died for her sins, the one who eagerly awaits her bridal walk to him, the one who taught her what love is and GOD The HOLY SPIRIT who is the friend more intimate than a sister, her cheerleader, her instructor, always warning when things are not as they seem. 

  All these three personalities are one

  I am that girl, the girl who is sometimes reluctant to read her bible yet imagines moving in the Spirit, the girl who does not understand fully why HE would pursue her relentlessly, the girl who can make mistakes, who can struggle with her feelings and try hard to love when hating seems easier. I am that girl as normal as everyone else but so different that it makes me unique. I love GOD, not as much HE loves me but I do. 

   I hope you will find what I have found and what keeps unfolding everyday; Love in the eyes of your Creator.